I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
