If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
