i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
