Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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