Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
