I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
