I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
