I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
