I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
