There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
