so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
