Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
