can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
