Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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