Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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