Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
