o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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