I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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