What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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