I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
two words: eviction party
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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