Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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