so explain again why im purple
no
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
