i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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