you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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