I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
