Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
