If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
