fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
