My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
