Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
