the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize