you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
