omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize