Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
