just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
