my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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