Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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