u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
