i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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