I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
People in love make me want to vomit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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