He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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