At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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