If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bring me that man meat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
