I'm gonna have a badass scar
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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