I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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