What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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