The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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