I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
