We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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