Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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