If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize