Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
porn star boner night. come get it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
