so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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