Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
