So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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