i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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