even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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