I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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