There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
