sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
