Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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